Moms get a lot of judgmental comments and unwanted advice and sometimes it gets really irritating. A stay at home mom is constantly being mom shamed for “getting to be home” or not working a job. And just as equally, working moms also get mom shamed for “leaving” or “not caring” about their kids.
A lot of times the shaming comes from ignorance of others, of not actually knowing what it takes to have a family or manage their career as a woman in this modern-day world. Other times it comes from another parent with a very different perspective and way too much judgment. It’s not easy for any of us but we have to take it day by day.
I’m a stay at home mom of two toddlers. It was something I chose to do when my husband and I talked about having a family. There are good days and bad days as a stay at home mom, just as I’m sure there are for working moms. But when someone has the nerve to ask me what I do all day or hints that I must have a lot of free time I want to slap them- but I won’t.
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9 Revisited Things Said to a Stay At Home Mom
I’ve compiled a list of my top nine things people just love commenting or hinting about stay at home moms and stay at home parenting in general. Get ready for a little sassiness and sarcasm!
"What do you do with all that free time?"
Well, now that I’m a stay-at-home-mom, I basically just lock my child in their room with a bunch of toys and then I go to the couch with a glass of wine and some popcorn all day. And the best part is, I get to wear my stretchy pants and my good old Snuggie.
No Karen, I don’t have any free time, I have kids and a house to take care of. My form of exercise is cleaning and doing laundry when I finally get the kids to be quiet, I barely have time to take a shower.
"You're busy? But you're home all day."
Super busy. Busy ignoring your ignorance.
"Must be nice to stay home."
Sure, I’m in my pajamas all day but that’s mostly because I haven’t found the time to wash the spit up out of my hair and I have piles of laundry waiting for me to be sorted. But the clean and dirty piles have merged so I have to throw away all our clothes. And when I don’t stay at home I’m breaking a sweat and lifting weights, aka my kids, in and out of their carseats and shopping carts and yelling at them to stop touching everything or fighting while replenishing our groceries or running errands all between mealtimes, nap times, and play time to make sure everything gets done. What did you accomplish today?
"Can you afford that?"
Listen, I may not be getting a paycheck for this full-time exhausting job of which I do not get to be sitting comfortably at a desk all day, but hells yea I can afford shit, mind your own business.
"Oh you're a stay at home mom? Must be nice to not have/need to work."
Parenting is my work, it is a full-time job. This was my choice because I would rather be the one spending this quality time with my children than working for a paycheck that will go directly to the highly expensive daycare that will have my child sick every week.
"But you're going back to work when they go school/grow up, right?"
Why is this a relevant question? And why do you feel the need to pressure me on this? That is entirely up to me and my family, of which there is no right or wrong answer, nor is there a way to predict what will happen in the future.
"But what about your degree?"
So you think my having kids means I’m throwing my career to the trash? At least I was fortunate enough to have gotten my degree before having children, Maybe that will help me someday, maybe it won’t. All I know is that you wouldn’t think I’d be throwing my life away if I had a degree in parenting skills.
My degree will still be there, I’m busy building experience and a life I want and love.
"Since you don't work, can you do [list of tasks] for me today?"
Um, do you not see/smell me? I don’t even have time to shower and you want me to take care of your personal tasks. Do you think I’m just lounging all day!?
"I could never be a stay at home mom."
You’d be surprised.
As much as you may feel this way, it’s hard to absorb this backhanded compliment. It’s almost like I’m finally getting some recognition for all the hard work with this comment but, as much as I joke, I love being with my kids even if it means going insane from the stress. I wouldn’t have it any other way. And honestly, I feel the exact opposite when a parent who says this to me because I could never be at work full time without missing my kids.
Every family has a different dynamic based on all their needs and it’s hard no matter what, we can’t do it all. Yet somehow, we’re all supermoms!
Receiving These Comments As A Stay At Home Mom
It’s my job as a stay at home mom to poke fun at the craziness because it’s a really stressful job but it’s one that I’m passionate about. I mostly have hard days and I complain and stress-eat and sometimes I even cry and wonder what it would be like to be the working parent. But I always circle back to “this is where I’m meant to be,” if not for me then for them.
Receiving these, often ignorant comments on a regular basis can be really irritating but just know that… Karma will come for them. Joking! Well maybe.
Sometimes it’s just a curious person with a very different perspective and there’s nothing wrong with that, other than the fact that it may feel intrusive and repetitive to us.
What Can We Do?
Nod. Give them what they want to hear. Make a joke out of it.
There’s not much we can do to prevent it, other than educating people from thinking SAHMs do absolutely nothing all day, but that’s already changing thanks to the modern-day world, Feminism, and the Internet. The best way to deal with it is to change our attitude. If something bothers you, change the way you react to it and then maybe you’ll get a kick out of it instead.
That’s what I did with this article, now it’s your turn. What would you say to these comments?
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My name is Paula and I’m a mom of two scrumptious cuties. Thanks Mommy Blog became a project for me to help guide other new moms and current moms through any of my own personal experiences and struggles. My hobbies include singing, doing jigsaw puzzles, baking, designing and trying to stay creative.
Gosh, these comments sound familiar! Usually I can only think of a good reply hours later, so I’ll keep this list handy for the future 😉 I will say, I went back to work after I had my first two, and even then I think I was kind of naive… Read more »
Punch everyone square in the mouth. Kidding…but not really.
Being a SAHM is draining in so many ways. Nobody who hasn’t done it can understand.
I am not a SAHM but I can imagine that could be very frustrating and rude. Having children is just as hard as going to a 9-5.
I hear these comments much more than I would like to admit. I hate how common it is to be talked to as if being a SAHM isn’t hard work. I read somewhere that being a stay at home mom is equivalent to working 2 9-5 jobs. I am not… Read more »
That’s exactly what everyone tells me all the time, especially working moms give those looks..
like I would never understand how hard they work…
nice blog post!!