I’m a mom of multiples, well only two kids, and it definitely takes a toll on me because of my mom anxiety.
A couple of years ago, when our daughter was born, I became a mom of two under two and everything changed. My desire to plan everything in advance, step-by-step, drove me insane because I had to figure out how to balance my new life with two small children.
When I became a mom, I became anxious and paranoid and tried to have control over every possible situation. Having only two hands really stressed me out. This struggle is what I like to call momxiety.
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when the mom axiety begins
As a first-time mom, we’re usually pretty cautious about protecting our child.
We’re very alert during our pregnancies in case of any medical concerns. We know how vulnerable babies are to viruses so we “cocoon” ourselves at home with them for several months.
Everything is new to us, so we take baby steps when trying something different with them. It’s not until we get the hang of things that we start to develop a level of comfort and confidence. Before that it’s all fears and a mixture of anxiety with exhaustion.
mom anxiety when expecting your second child
Even before officially being a mom of two, during my second pregnancy, I would spend hours thinking and planning details. About how I would put two kids in the car, how I would do groceries, how I would go about my days with two kids.
And also all the baby stuff, like setting up the nursery, compiling my second registry, planning another baby shower, and arranging plans for my toddler when we’d be away at the hospital.
I was even paranoid about any sort of movement or discomfort in my body, I always thought something was wrong with my baby. It is a major reason I contemplate not having more children, even though I always wanted more.
as a mom of two i became an intense mom
With two kids, I became a more intense mom. The pressure of having to protect my cubs as a mama bear made me stressed and tense.
I gave my kids rules and restrictions to make my life a little bit easier.
My mind was full of worries about my kids tripping, falling, or getting hurt in any way. Not because they would be hurt but because I couldn’t always give them my full attention. And I still worry how I’d be able to handle an emergency situation with one kid tagging along.
I often feel guilty for not being the fun mom because I’m always in my head.
Mom anxiety When Outing With Kids
Going out with two under two was a massive ball of stress for me. With time, it has gotten a lot easier but I’m still always stressing and worrying.
My infant needed to be in her car seat for head support and my toddler was so little that I felt I always had to hold his hand or keep him strapped.
For most places, I could have them safe in the stroller but sometimes just going out with two little kids was a lot of work. Just getting out of the house took forever, even when I planned and pre-packed the diaper bag and everything we needed.
And with my momxiety, I was terrified of potential kidnapping situations.
Getting two kids in and out of the car when you’re alone can be terrifying when you’re worried about security. This was one of my biggest worries of grocery shopping with two under two.
Sometimes one of my kids would have a tantrum when I’d try to place them in the car seat while the other had to wait, out in public, at arms reach for any stranger.
As much as I could plan and try to rush things, kids simply don’t understand time or urgency. My oldest insists on buckling himself up in the car but gets so distracted that by the time I’ve put his sister, the groceries, and myself into the car he’s still not ready to go.
Making Excuses to Avoid the Stress
I’m that mom who will ocassionally make excuses for not saying yes because of my worries.
Not saying yes to my kids and not saying yes to invites to certain activities because it feels like too much for me.
Sorry, you’re not allowed to run because your sister trips on her feet and if you run she will want to as well.
No, we can’t go outside because it’s too hot out and you’ll be dripping in sweat and then I’ll have to bathe you both before making lunch and going to take a nap.
Water park? No, thanks. My white child will get sunburnt and might breakout with her eczema-prone skin. Also, without an extra adult to give me a hand, that sounds like a lot of work and stress for me to handle both my kids on my own.
Thirty minute drive? No, thanks. Our day’s routine will be thrown off because my kid will fall asleep in the car for two minutes. Then they’ll wake up when we arrive, not want to take a nap, and be grumpy all day.
My Latest Mom anxiety Struggle
Currently, I’m struggling with letting my child go to preschool. I’m just not ready to accept that yet.
We found a great school and just registered him. On their social media, I find pictures of fun activities and I imagine how happy and thrilled he’ll be. And how much he needs and deserves this.
He deserves to be around other kids having fun, he deserves to not be around intense mom and stressed mom all the time. And that makes me feel more guilty for not being capable of giving him that kind of joy and fun. For questioning why I couldn’t be better, I want to be.
I’m happy that he’s going to get that from school but I will definitely be jealous of his teachers for not being capable of having that level of patience, stamina, or fun. The momxiety gets the best of me sometimes.
Accepting My Momxiety
I’m aware that I sound a little insane and you’re right, I’m being dramatic. But the stress of my momxiety sets me off. Depression sometimes takes over me if I let it the anxiety and the guilt get to me.
I rather spend time with my kids doing something a little less stressful that they can still enjoy. Mama bear needs feel more relaxed to be more relaxed and that’s how I’ve learned to manage my anxiety.
Sometimes, when I’m down, I try to do something for myself. I distract myself with something I enjoy. It usually starts with chocolate but that’s leading me nowhere in my weight-loss goals.
Other helpful methods include: positive thoughts and affirmations, reading a great book, physical activity, adult coloring books, finding a hobby, dressing in colorful clothing or wearing shirts with positive messages.
We've All Got Flaws
I’m not perfect. Who is?
My momxiety is my biggest flaw as a mother and it is the root to all my other mom flaws.
That’s just my flaw as a mom, I’ve got plenty of other human flaws as well.
There are days when it brings me down. Sometimes I fight to bring myself back up. Either way, I fight on. Because I have two kids that depend on me, that love me because I am their mom. Not because I give them things or don’t give them things.
My kids need me, but most of all, I need them. They might be the indirect cause of my anxiety but they make me so happy and proud that I’m able to fight through it. The little rascals make it all worth it.
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My name is Paula and I’m a mom of two scrumptious cuties. Thanks Mommy Blog became a project for me to help guide other new moms and current moms through any of my own personal experiences and struggles. My hobbies include singing, doing jigsaw puzzles, baking, designing and trying to stay creative.
I just had my second a few months ago and WOW is it a whole new ball game LOL. This post is amazing at explaining some of the hardships that come with mommyhood and reminding us that it is all going to be alright!
I love this! It always so wonderful to read a blog from a mother that is open and honest and helps other mothers know they are not alone. Mom Anxiety is so common these days and I don’t think you sound crazy. We are responsible for tiny unpredictable human beings… Read more »
Momxiety – Oh I feel it really hard as being a first-time twin mom. As a mom of multiple, I always scared that I am capable of handling them or not. I have so much self-doubt that I will give them my equal love and care or not. The day… Read more »
I love this, it’s so relatable and tells other moms that what they’re feeling is not wrong! I actually just wrote a post myself about all the anxiety, uncertainty and even guilt that came along with finding out I was pregnant with my second (totally unplanned)! Sometimes you just need… Read more »
Oh my. I get so much anxiety just taking my almost two-year-old out, I couldn’t imagine two under two. You are a brave mama.Thanks for sharing your best advice!