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Bedtime routines can get surprisingly complicated. Baths. Books. Songs. Cuddles. Another drink of water. A last trip to the bathroom. And somehow, there’s always one more story. Somehow, putting a child into a bed can become an entire evening activity.

Ours has always been much simpler.

That wasn’t because I researched the perfect bedtime routine or intentionally created some brilliant sleep system. We mostly figured out what worked for our family—and what we realistically had the energy to repeat every single night.

Our kids are older now, but a lot of the basic routine has stayed surprisingly similar over the years.

We get cleaned up, eat something simple, spend some quiet time together, brush teeth and eventually send everyone to bed. We say goodnight, give hugs and kisses, and that’s basically it.

No elaborate bedtime ritual, nightly story requirement or hanging out beside their beds until they fall asleep.

And one of the biggest things I think helped was something I didn’t really recognize as a “bedtime strategy” at the time:

We did most of our winding down together before bedtime actually started.

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Our Bedtime Routine Was Never Very Complicated

When the kids were younger, evenings usually followed a pretty predictable rhythm.

Dinner in our house also tends to be lighter than what many people might picture as the big meal of the day. Culturally, we’re much more likely to have our larger cooked meal around lunchtime and something simpler at night.

Bathing didn’t necessarily happen right before bed, either. Sometimes I’d get that out of the way earlier, before my husband got home from work. That left more of the evening for the four of us to actually spend together instead of using family time to work through baths and bedtime tasks.

And we moved away from baths fairly young.

Our kids were not particularly interested in treating a bath like a quiet spa experience. There were toys, splashing and playing, and suddenly something that was supposed to get everyone clean had become another whole event.

We had a large shower, so when they were little, sometimes the easiest solution was honestly for us to shower together. They loved it, everyone got clean, and it was one less production for me to manage.

Eventually, showers became their normal. Get clean. Pajamas on. Done.

Then we’d spend time together before bed. And this is the part of our routine that would probably make a lot of bedtime-routine lists unhappy:

Sometimes we watched TV.

Yes, Sometimes Our Wind-Down Included TV

A lot of sleep advice recommends avoiding screens before bedtime. The American Academy of Pediatrics currently recommends keeping screens out of bedtime routines, and screens can make it harder for some kids to wind down.

So I’m definitely not going to tell another parent that their child should watch television before bed. I’m just going to tell you what happened in our house.

For us, sitting together on the couch and watching something calm was often exactly that: sitting together. Nobody was running around the house, starting a big project or getting increasingly wound up right before we expected them to suddenly lie still in a dark room.

We’d cuddle on the couch, watch something together and let the day start slowing down. I noticed pretty quickly that if the kids got really excited or physically active right before bed, getting them settled afterward was harder.

So the goal wasn’t really “screen time before bed.” The goal was quiet time before bed. For our family, television sometimes happened to be part of that.

Quiet Mattered More Than the Exact Activity

As with most things involving kids, I think knowing your own child matters. If watching something makes your child more stimulated, starts arguments about turning it off or makes bedtime harder, that’s obviously not much of a wind-down.

For us, calm family TV time worked very differently from handing everyone a tablet and sending them off into separate corners. It was something we were doing together, and more importantly, it was quiet.

That part of our routine hasn’t really gone away as the kids have gotten older. The location has changed—we’re more likely to pile onto our bed now instead of the living room couch—and sometimes we’ll play a video game together before watching something.

The point is still the same: we’re together, the day is winding down and nobody is expecting bedtime itself to provide another round of entertainment.

We Put the Family Time Before Bedtime

Looking back, I think this may be the most important part of why our routine worked for us. Bedtime wasn’t when we suddenly tried to squeeze in all of our connection for the day. We had already been together. We ate together, talked, cuddled and watched something. The kids could tell us whatever random thing they needed to tell us.

So when it was time for bed, bedtime could just mean bedtime. Go pee, go to your room, get your hugs and kisses. Goodnight, love you.

Sometimes there are tickles mixed in because apparently those are still required. Sometimes someone remembers something extremely important the second they’re supposed to leave our room. Kids are kids.

But we never built an expectation that going to bed meant another 30 or 45 minutes of parental entertainment. That distinction ended up being really useful.

I Didn’t Want Bedtime to Become Another Hour-Long Parenting Job

A lot of our simple routine came from necessity. I had two kids under two, and while I was breastfeeding, I dealt with migraines almost every night. Even after that period passed, migraines remained a regular enough problem that some nights I genuinely needed to go to bed early myself.

We were tired parents with two little kids, so I needed a bedtime routine we could still manage when neither of us had much left. I also didn’t want to create a long list of things the kids expected every single night if I knew there would be nights when I couldn’t deliver them. Keeping those expectations simple meant less disappointment and less room for bedtime to become a fight when something had to change.

That doesn’t mean a longer routine is a bad thing. A parent who has been at work all day might genuinely look forward to bath time, books and that quiet one-on-one time before bed. For another family, that may be one of the best parts of the day.

For us, what mattered was having a short routine everybody understood and that we could realistically repeat. The predictability mattered more than the number of steps.

That simplicity also made the occasional night away easier. If someone else was putting the kids to bed, there wasn’t a long list of things that had to happen exactly the way Mom or Dad did them. The kids already knew the routine and what was expected of them, which meant there was less for them to push back on with a sitter—and a better chance everyone would actually get a full night’s sleep.

It was one of those benefits I didn’t necessarily plan for when they were little, but really appreciated later.

We Didn’t Make Bedtime Stories a Requirement

This is another part of our routine that may sound strange because reading is practically synonymous with bedtime when kids are little.

We absolutely read to our kids, we just didn’t make reading something that had to happen at bedtime. Books were always around, and we read together during the day. As the kids grew, reading became something they could also do independently.

But I never wanted to reach the end of an exhausting day and feel guilty because I didn’t have enough energy left to read three books beside someone’s bed. So I didn’t make that promise to myself—or to them.

Again, I completely understand why another family would make bedtime reading non-negotiable. For some parents and kids, that’s their favorite quiet time together.

For us, reading was part of childhood. It just wasn’t a required step between brushing teeth and going to sleep. Separating the two worked well for us.

Showers Made More Sense for Us Than Nightly Baths

Baths are often included in bedtime routines because they can create a predictable transition into the evening. For us, they created playtime. Once showers became practical, they were simply easier. They were also easier to move around in the schedule. A shower didn’t have to signal that bedtime was happening immediately afterward.

Sometimes getting everyone clean earlier meant that when my husband got home, we were done with that part of the evening and could just be together.

As the kids got older, this part of the routine changed in another way too: they stopped needing us to do it for them.

When children are little, getting them clean can be a whole parental production. Eventually they can shower themselves, get dressed, brush their own teeth and take care of most of their nighttime routine. That’s one of those parenting transitions that happens so gradually you almost don’t notice it.

The routine stayed, but our role in performing it kept shrinking. That is probably one of my favorite things about simple family routines. When the steps are predictable and manageable, kids can eventually take ownership of them.

Our Bedtime Routine Grew With the Kids

Our bedtime routine now doesn’t look exactly like it did when they were little. It shouldn’t. They’ve gotten older, and more and more of the routine belongs to them instead of us.

These days, they usually shower earlier, and we have a quick dinner that they’re now old enough to help with too. Sometimes that means helping us; other times it means making one of the Easy Foods Kids Can Make Themselves. After dinner they take care of the dog and whatever else needs to be wrapped up before we settle in together.

Then we usually end up together again—often piled onto our bed watching TV, and sometimes playing a video game together first. Eventually we tell them it’s time, they go pee, head to their rooms, and we say goodnight to each of them.

Sometimes there’s a little talking or a few tickles mixed in. Other nights it’s basically, “Goodnight, love you, go to bed.”

The details changed as they grew, but the rhythm didn’t. The house slows down, we spend time together, everyone knows what they need to do, and then bedtime is bedtime.

That’s why I’ve never been very attached to one perfect sequence. The routine should work for the kids you have now, not the kids they were three years ago.

A Few Small Things Helped Them Take Over the Routine

Of course, they didn’t go from us managing everything to suddenly handling bedtime on their own. A lot of those responsibilities shifted little by little.

Brushing their teeth is a good example. When they were younger and still learning what “brush for two minutes” actually meant, a simple toothbrushing timer gave them something concrete to follow. Instead of me repeatedly telling them they weren’t finished yet, the timer told them. Eventually they didn’t need that help anymore; brushing their teeth simply became one of the things they knew they were responsible for.

They also needed enough independence to actually use the bathroom on their own. For us, that meant sturdy two-step stools when they were little because a single step wasn’t high enough for them to comfortably reach the sink. Eventually they grew out of needing the stools, just like they grew out of needing the timer. Brushing their teeth simply became something they knew how to handle themselves.

The same thing happened with showering, getting dressed and other everyday personal care skills. We helped, then supervised, then reminded—and eventually didn’t need to be involved in every step.

I think that’s one reason I’ve come to appreciate simple routines so much. When kids know the basic rhythm and have practiced the individual skills along the way, eventually you realize you’re not running the whole routine anymore. They are.

A Few Bedtime Things That Can Grow With Kids

We’ve never needed a lot of special products for bedtime, but I do like things that can serve more than one purpose and keep being useful as kids get older.

Helping Kids Understand Bedtime and Wake-Up Time

A wake-up clock + night light can be especially helpful during that in-between stage when kids are becoming more independent but aren’t always great at judging time yet. A visual cue helps them understand when it’s still time to be asleep and when it’s actually time to get up, and ours can play a sound at wake-up too. That can help on both ends—deep sleepers who need a little more help waking up and early risers who might otherwise wander out of their room at what they think is morning and accidentally wake up the rest of the house. The night-light is useful too because they can easily turn it on and off themselves if they wake up in the dark.

Creating a Calmer Bedroom

We didn’t have our space projector when the kids were little, but we have one now and it completely changes the feel of a dark room. The soft moving lights can make the room feel calm and soothing without needing a bright lamp on. Ours also has a timer, which I especially like for bedtime because it can shut itself off after they’ve settled instead of staying on all night.

Calming sounds were something we did use when the kids were younger. At the time, we had a small device that played different sounds while projecting lights onto the ceiling, and it had a timer so it would shut off on its own. The sounds were helpful, although if I were choosing something specifically for that purpose now, I’d probably go with a white noise/sound machine. There are much better options now that can provide consistent background sound without the extra lights or movement, which some kids may find distracting. And unlike a lot of baby sleep products, a sound machine can continue being useful as kids get older.

None of these are things I think every child needs to sleep. They’re simply tools that can make the room itself work a little better for bedtime—and, especially with the wake-up clock, help kids gradually manage more of the routine themselves.

What Our Simple Bedtime Routine Actually Looks Like Now

So what does bedtime actually look like at our house these days? It’s still pretty simple, even though the kids are older and much more responsible for getting themselves ready.

Showers usually happen earlier in the evening. We have a quick dinner, the kids brush their teeth and take the dog out, and then we settle in together. Most nights that means all of us watching something, usually piled onto our bed. Sometimes we’ll play a video game together first.

When it’s getting late, we tell them it’s time to wrap up. They go to the bathroom, head to their rooms and we go say goodnight to each of them. There are hugs and kisses, sometimes tickles, and then it’s some version of, “Goodnight, love you.”

That’s really it. The exact timing changes and the details aren’t identical every night, but everybody knows the general rhythm. That’s probably what has made the routine last more than any individual step.

If You’re Trying to Simplify Your Own Bedtime Routine

I don’t think simplifying bedtime necessarily means removing everything your kids enjoy. I’d start by paying attention to which parts actually help everyone wind down and which ones have quietly become expectations that make bedtime longer or harder.

If your child loves a bedtime story and you love reading it, there’s no reason to take that away. The same goes for cuddles, a bath or anything else that genuinely works for your family. But if you’re exhausted by a routine you’ve accidentally built, it may be worth asking which parts really need to happen at bedtime.

Could baths or showers happen earlier? Could family time happen on the couch instead of beside the bed? Can an older child start taking responsibility for brushing teeth, getting pajamas on or setting an alarm?

Those are also some of the Little Things That Teach Kids Independence before we necessarily think of them that way. A child taking over one small part of the bedtime routine may not feel significant in the moment, but eventually those little responsibilities add up.

That’s essentially what happened in our house. We didn’t remove the connection. We separated it from the expectation that getting into bed needed to be an event.

A Bedtime Routine Doesn’t Have to Look Like Everyone Else’s

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from routines in general, it’s that the best family system isn’t necessarily the one that looks best written out on Pinterest. It’s the one your family can actually repeat.

Some families genuinely love a long bedtime routine. Maybe that’s when everyone reconnects after being apart all day. Bath time might be fun instead of another thing on the to-do list, or reading together before bed might be everyone’s favorite part of the day. Keep it.

Other families need bedtime to be simple. Maybe you have multiple little kids and you’re exhausted. You might be dealing with work, headaches, a baby who still wakes up at night or just the normal reality that parenting doesn’t leave everyone with the same amount of energy at 8 p.m.

A short routine doesn’t have to mean less connection. For us, it mostly meant moving the connection somewhere else.

The point isn’t to copy somebody else’s checklist. It’s to figure out what helps your household move from daytime to bedtime without turning the transition into a nightly battle.

For us, that meant spending time together first, keeping the actual bedtime expectations low and letting bedtime be what the name suggests: Time for bed.

And after years of doing it that way, I wouldn’t make it much more complicated than that.